“This is the life you chose, what you said you
always wanted, to be a stay at home mom…you just have to remember that”.
Those were Aaron’s words to me Monday night when I
told him that taking care of our three boys was going to be way harder than I
thought. He had stayed home sick for the
day and half rested/half worked so I was solo with the children. It was a rough
day. And, as I was telling him how very
difficult I think life is going to be, those were his words to me. My
response? Clearly I stormed out of the room,
walked to our back bedroom and just kind of thought about things.
When Aaron came back a few minutes later,
this is how I explained it…
It would be like if you got your dream job and that
job was everything you ever wanted. But,
once you started, you realized it was way harder than you intended. You still want the job, it is still your
dream job, but the knowledge that there is no going back is kind of, sort of, terrifying.
Then, I think, he got it. After talking, it was decided I should ask people who have been here for some tips and that I need to give myself a bit of a break.
Then, I think, he got it. After talking, it was decided I should ask people who have been here for some tips and that I need to give myself a bit of a break.
So, I went to a facebook group I am involved with
and asked for advice. Got some
really
great stuff and some encouraging words. I went to bed reflecting and I woke up
this morning bound and determined to have a better day. I decided the following 10 things were going
to help tremendously in this process.
(1)
It sucks and I hate it, but I have to go to bed earlier. Nursing the baby at night is so wonderful,
but getting three-four hours of sleep does not work for me. From now on, when I can, it will be in bed by
8:30-9:00 and asleep by 10:00 (I do the internets in bed before sleeping). Thank God for DVR.
(2)
Nightly touch-bases with the husband with no electronics, no kid distractions,
just conversation. After our talk last
night I felt three thousand times better.
My husband is my best friend, it’s just a fact. Spending a few moments with the bestie does
the soul a lot of good.
(3)
Selflessness is hard and this is going to be the ultimate exercise in
selflessness. Three children that need
me to do anything (they are not independent by any means yet at 2 1/2 , just
barely 1 and a new born) are going to demand selflessness and I need to accept
that. The issue is, I am so damn selfish
that this is really hard.
(4)
Giving myself a bit of a break for the next month or so. As I finish up c-section healing, some things
are just going to give. And I need to be
okay with that.
(5)
Making lunch in the am when at least one child is napping. Meal times are a biznatch. If the food is prepped and ready to go, I can
exhale a bit at lunch time.
(6)
The family room will not be clean. It just won’t. I am mustering all the strength I got
post-operation to lift my three children during the day. The up and down of toy cleaning/under the
couch looking, etc, sweeping, etc… is just not gonna happen. The husband will clean toys at night until I am
a bit more healed.
(7)
No new skillz for the big ones until the little one is older and I am
recovered. The day before the husband
went back to work, I had the brilliant plan to place a kid table/kid chairs in
our kitchen for the big boys to do meals on. IDIOT MOVE! They won’t sit in their chairs, they throw their food, etc… I am VERY
dumb for thinking this would be the time to teach them a new skill. Back to the high chair and toddler chair for
at least another month or so.
(8)
Free time is pretty much gone out of my life until the kids are a bit
older. That might seem a bit extreme,
but knowing it brings comfort, rather than being stressed. Today, Joey/JP were
napping at the same time- I wanted to sit and do nothing. Instead, I cleaned
the kitchen. Before I did, I told
myself, ‘it’s gotta be done and you’re the one that’s gotta do it’. I feel good knowing this is just going to be
life for a bit.
(9)
Doing little things constantly. My mom
always gave this advice. To pick up
slowly and constantly throughout the day.
Guess what? She might have been
on to something. After using the bathroom
today, I quickly cleaned and straightened.
It took five minutes and I felt better about the bathroom. This will be my new gameplan.
(10)
When nursing, every door in the house gets locked and a ‘show’ gets turned
on. The big boys are confined to two
rooms- and I can pretty much see them/distract them for the 20 minutes it takes
to nurse.
Done and done.
I felt really good about these 10 things. Today was going to be a better day than
Monday. And then lunch time hit. And all hell broke loose. Joey, who we have some concerns about anyway,
likes to cry. A lot. All day long (don’t worry, we are working on figuring out
why). Someone suggested we try to see if
putting him in his crib would help him see he can’t just cry all day long.
I decided to do that today (I broke the
no new skillz rule- dumb me). He pretty
much lost his mind and screamed for the next ½ hour. Then the baby, who has not cried at all, started crying because he wasn't being nursed when he wanted. However, it was
impossible to nurse him because I was dealing with Joey, and little A. Oh, little A was screaming because he didn't like the lunch options or that he was scolded for chucking turkey slices across
the kitchen. So, for real, for about 10
minutes, all three of my boys were crying. It was like coo coo land around
here. And you know what I did--- I remained calm, and here’s why.
(this part might be a bit extreme for my
non-religious friends)
I saw what was happening as a temptation from the devil
and prayed through it. I am not one
to get overly spiritual about things.
But, being a mother is my vocation.
It is what I have felt called to my whole life long. And, the last couple days, I have been
doubting my vocation a bit. This
morning, I am feeling good about my 10 steps to sanity and BAM- worse lunch
ever. Which brings me to the most
important step.
My spiritual life is gonna have to be number 1. I
have been ‘excusing’ myself from a crazy active faith life the last year or
so. I have been telling myself I am doing
the best I can do, but I haven’t really been leaning on God much. Lemme tell you friends, there is no way
I am gonna be able to do this insanity without fully relying on grace to raise
these babies. You see, the worst part
about self-doubt is wondering if I am a good mom or not. Wondering if I am
screwing it up. Wondering if I am being
a good enough example to my children, so that one day they desire a
relationship with Jesus and heaven. I
have a whole post coming on that, but for right now, lemme just tell you the
biggest voice in my head is shouting that I am failing at those things. Some of it is true, but some of it is nothin’
but the devil. And, together, JC and I
are gonna work on kicking him out.
And best part, after praying through the crazy lunch, my darn Joey pushed open the bathroom door and started playing in the toilet. ARGH! Jokes on you buddy, I had just disinfected it because of revelation #9!!!! What what!!!
Now the advice part.
If you have been in a similar situation before…with multiple
children in diapers, what were your ‘best practices’? Maybe you have been blessed to have three
children REALLY close together, maybe you have worked at a day care, maybe you
babysit multiple young children…but those of you who have been there- what do
you do to stay sane?
Here’s the wording I used last night…
What do you do to
keep your house clean? To keep kids distracted while feeding a newborn? To be
able to leave a room, without being afraid that your one year old is going to
tip over the bassinet, or punch your 2 week old in the face on accident? To
discipline with follow through, when sometimes it is really hard to follow
through on a threat because you've got a kid attached to you nursing, while
your 2.5 year old is stealing your 1 year olds toys etc. Basically, what are
some ‘life hacks’ to make this a bit easier?
I just need some ideas from people who have
done this before.
And...go!
Sidenote- I know so
many wonderful people have offered to help.
I can’t even tell you how many meals we have in our fridge, my dear
friend/cousin have offered to spend a few hours here on the regular to give me
a break, etc… I love that we have people in our lives so willing to help
us. BUT, I promise this isn’t a cry for
more help. The advice portion is more
like, ‘what’s the best way to do this, from people who have done this before!’. Thanks thanks thanks in advance!!!
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| Cute table...bad idea :) |
