A reflection...

...in which I think about my journey with Pope Benedict XVI

I remember seeing him in Cologne.  To me, the wound of losing Pope John Paul II was still very real. I know those of you who are not Catholic, or are not part of my generation might not understand, but losing John Paul II was a very real pain to me.  I remember a college professor once warning, 'you will have to be intentional about embracing the new Pope, because it will be hard'.  You see, John Paul II, to me, was truly like a friend. I had the privilege of seeing him several times. I felt loved by him.  I decided to go into youth ministry, in part, because of his love and belief in me (and all young people).  So when it was time to go to World Youth Day Germany, I wasn't sure how it was going to go.  You could tell he was nervous.  Tight smiles through the chaos of 1 million young people hanging on his every word. I sometimes wondered if the 'party' atmosphere of it all was a bit much for the introvert.  But he did well, and his words were profound.  The young Church embraced their new leader.

Our special Group in NYC on our way to see the Pope

I remember seeing him in New York.  My friend Jodi, six teens and I loaded up the cars and headed out to NYC.  Why?  Because our Pope was coming to the United States and that 'don't happen often' so one thing was for sure, we were going to be there.  At the youth gathering, we got there early (maybe too early???) and we got great seats.  Seeing him there was fantastic.  The ol' Pope thing was now suiting him well, there was so much Joy as the young people of the United States greeted him with cheers and smiles. It was pretty amazing to be there with these six beautiful young people.  We were on an adventure.  I reflected on his predecessor.  It was said John Paul II invited everyone to the feast, and the new pope's job was to feed them.  As I listened to him with these wonderful teenagers I was blessed to know, I knew in my heart that statement was true.

The Popemobile flying by us

I remember seeing seeing him in Sydney.  Australia was a significant point in my own personal faith journey.  Could it be true, Holy Father, it was a significant point in your faith journey as well?  Without any more insecurities, without any more hesitation, I saw him completely embrace the joy coming from 500,000 young people excited to bear witness to the faith!  I will never forget waiting for him, in front of the Opera House.  We waited for hours!!!  His boat passed, but wouldn't you believe, we completely missed seeing him.  We were deflated beyond words.  But wait!  He was coming in the pope mobile. We waited for more hours, and then, there he was.  BRIGHT smile, cruising by us.  We screamed, oh my did we scream!  I remember promising that by the next time I saw him, I would be married with a kid.  Everyone laughed, knowing that I hadn't had a date in years.  Knowing the next time I would see him would be three years...stranger things have happened, I promised.

Our motley crew in Fatima en route to Madrid to see the Holy Father

I remember seeing him in Madrid.  Madrid was hard.  My life had changed significantly, I was separated from my heart for 15 days.  I left my child to go see him.  Something was different about this trip.  I knew it would be a long time, if ever, that I would take a trip like this again.  I cried, nightly, by myself.  I carried many crosses during those 2 weeks.  I wonder now, Holy Father, if it was similar for you?  I will never forget when his zucchetto (the beanie) went flying in the air. What a trouper he was as the storm settled in, staying with the pilgrims in the rain, bearing witness to the love we are called to have for each other. After what seemed like the longest 2 weeks ever, he had the final Mass. I remember one of my alumni, Andrew, pointing out that the Holy Father didn't say, as he normally did, 'I will see you in Rio' rather, he announced 'the next World Youth Day will be in Rio'.  Andrew wondered if maybe he was telling us something.  Announcing to young people first, that his papacy had an expiration date.

When I woke up a couple of weeks ago, after feeding sweet baby Joey and saw the facebook status that the Holy Father had resigned, I was scared. I emailed a priest that I knew.  I was very aware of the depth of this announcement. The historical nature.  The unprecedented move.  As the reality settled in though, I felt excited for him.  I am still a bit wary of what will go down the next couple of weeks, I am not someone that deals with change well.  But, I will be praying.  And, I will be trusting.  And, I will be reflecting on those oh so important words, 'Be Not Afraid'.

The Day of the Papal announcement of abdicating the office.

As of 2:00 pm, Pope Benedict XVI. Peter, will step down from his role of leading the Church.

And Pope Benedict XVI, I guess what I am trying to say is...

It was fun growing with you, and I will miss you.