These are my thoughts...

...shared mostly so you can understand where I am coming from, even if you disagree with me.

It is 11:47 pm right now and I should be sleeping. I should be sleeping but I am unable to.  One hour ago, it appeared that the current president was going to win his bid for re-election.  One hour ago, I walked into our family room and asked my husband to come join me in our room and hold me until I fell asleep.  He fell asleep firs...(typical) :)  I asked him to come hold me because I am scared.  Here is the thing, I know I have a lot of friends who voted for ‘the other guy’ and I know that tonight is a night of celebration for you. I know you will be happy and think that you have reached a level of success.  I know you are certain that something better has happened for our country.  I know you are confident that you can believe in the change that you are striving for.  And finally, I know that you don’t quite know why people like me are so scared.  I thought I would let you know why.  Because here is the thing, understanding where the ‘other’ is coming from is a good thing. I want to help you understand.

I am scared that we live in a country where a celebrity is elected president. 
I suppose this has happened many times before in history.  Some of the greatest public speakers in the past were complete and total tyrants.  Charisma does not equate to truth…and I am scared people have lost sight of that.

I am scared of what will happen to my Church’s institutions with the HHS Mandate
but more than that, I am scared that more people aren’t scared. I am frightened that the President’s unprecedented over-reach in terms of demands placed on Religious Institutions is not causing a National Outcry. I get that it is complicated. I get that these Institutions accept federal funds.  I get that the issue appears complex….but let me promise you, the current administration drastically over-stepped it’s ‘powers’ by demanding anything from my Church…and that scares me.

I am scared how loosely the president talks about abortion.
I get that prolife people suck at discussing the issue (I talk about that RIGHTHERE), but the president’s pro-abortion stance is startling.  Protecting even partial birth abortion, which most of us at least can agree is significantly horrific.  I am scared that I am 32 years old and have never met a pro-choice person that speaks from a place of logic (if you are one, please private message me, I would love to understand you better) but rather from places of emotion and a false sense of compassion.

I am scared about race relations in this country.
I am so so so scared that while I was falling asleep tonight, CNN reported, ‘President Obama’s Team went into African American Communities and told them he had their back, now it is time for them to have his’.  It was reported. Like that. On a major news station.  I am scared when things like that can occur and people don’t wave red flags. I am nervous about what that does for race relations in this country and what that will mean for my biracial family.  I am frightened that it is okay for the current administration to take advantage of race and people on the ‘other side’ can’t mention it.

I am scared about our economy.
Not as scared as other people.  I don’t know the ins and outs.  But I am scared that we live in a country where people are in an UPROAR about PBS and NPR when we are trillions of dollars in debt.  I am scared that conceding certain things MUST be cut for the good of our national budget doesn’t seem to be a reality.  I am scared that we, in this country, think that debt is normal and expected... instead of trying to live within our means.

I am scared we have lost a sense of personal responsibility
Speaking of the economy. I am scared that we live in a country where we think it is the government’s responsibility to forgive the college debt that we have personally accrued.  On the day I was married, I handed my husband 65 k of personal debt from student loans and credit cards.  My bad decision making is incredible in retrospect. It has altered everything about the way my growing family operates.  But I am so thankful that I do not expect that someone else should have to pay for the decisions I have made.

I am scared for my children
I am scared that my children will be raised in a world where they will not be able to express their faith freely.  I have something controversial to say, that will not please my conservative friends. I actually could care less about whether or not ‘gay marriage’ becomes legal.  I don’t think our government has any business saying who should/should not get married (I know, I know, controversial) .  BUT, I would like for my Church to be able to decline marrying same-sex couples if She chooses to …I am scared that She won’t be able to in 10-20 years without fines and punishments.  I am scared that the current president is putting us on a course that will make that acceptable. 

I am scared of the bashing

I am scared at how people have talked about conservatives and liberals during this election (see HERE). I am scared not just because we are polarized, I don’t dig that, but it is more than that. I am scared that a real divide is occurring within this country. I am scared when someone says they are beginning not to like me because of the views that I hold (especially because I ALWAYS try to be respectful, but honest in my approach).  I am scared that people have defriended me on facebook because of my ‘radical views’.  My views are different than yours I am certain, but they are by no means radical.

I’m scared that people are not really thinking about things critically anymore.
I shouldn’t be surprised, because we are not taught to think about things critically.  We are taught that whatever feels good, works.  We are taught that to suffer is the worst possible hell.  We are taught that how we ‘feel’ about things determine them to be true or untrue.  We are taught that ‘true’ or ‘truth’ does not exist.  It all depends on your perspective.  Friends, if my perspective was my son’s red fire truck was blue, it wouldn’t make it any less red.  I am scared that modern thought lacks constructive thinking.

I am scared of entitlement
I am scared that entitlement is SUCH a part of our culture at this point (and in such a short time) that we TRULY believe things should be handed to us.  We believe that if one man has more than another, that man should be forced to give more.  Not asked. Not moved in charity. But forced.  And if he chooses not to, we believe we should make laws that demand that he does.  That scares me.

Tonight,  I am so scared.

And let me tell you something. I welcome comments of all kind, but I DO NOT want you to tell me why I shouldn’t be afraid.  This is a post about what I am feeling.  And you telling me not to be afraid and explaining why the above things are okay, would not be helpful.  I am assuming you read my blog because my thoughts intrigue you.  These are my thoughts.  And, at least right now, I still have a right to think these thoughts, and I am asking you kindly not to explain them away because you do not agree.  Or worse yet, to insult me because of them (which, of course, has ALREADY happened).

I started this post at 11:47 pm. I said I wanted to show you where I am coming from.  This is where I am coming from.  But, of course, I will leave you with a PLOT TWIST.

It is 12:13 pm and I am comforted and hopeful.  Because I know that I was not promised anything in this world.  One of my favorite Scripture passages says, ‘Do not be surprised if the world hates you, it hated me before it hated you’.  See, as someone said, tomorrow I will wake up and my God will still be my strength.  Life will go on, at least for a while, pretty consequence free.  I will snuggle my sweet baby boys and give my husband morning kisses.  Jesus will be the center of my household and I will tell myself over and over again those sweet words to Peter, echoed by my beloved JPII ‘Do NOT be Afraid’.  If my fears continue to be realized, I will take comfort in the fact that this was not something forced upon us, but something chosen, chosen by many people, including those that consider themselves faithful Catholics.

I will wake up tomorrow and my life will be pretty unaffected by the result of this election.  So I will keep my eye on our country, shake my head at so many of you, and take courage in a God who loves us ALL! 

And there, my friends, is my hope.

Good night. Happy Election Day 2012

“Your right and everyone else is wrong”- Aunt Kathy