Friday, January 28, 2011

My thoughts about parenting advice

DISCLAIMER- This is really not intended for moms with opinions, we all have opinions.  This is intended for moms that go too far, that are mean spirited and judgmental, that tear others down so they can feel superior about their choices....here goes...

This is me, frustrated, with moms:)
So, this morning I read an article on cloth diapers and it was so refreshing.  It was non-judgmental, lovely and gave both sides (pros and cons) of using cloth vs. disposable (thank you Ann Coakley).  If you know me, you know that as of late, my new favorite rant is crazy moms and crazy articles and crazy posts.  I have been SHOCKED at the amount of judgmental moms since finding out I was pregnant.  I always knew they were out there and it used to bother me, but since becoming pregnant, it has more than bothered me.  The other day, at retreat with teens (how appropriate) I started going off about it.  My husband kept asking me if he should go get a soap box for me to stand on.  This morning, I shall use my blog for my soapbox.  If you hate rants, such as this, I wouldn't read this post...

So lets talk about breast feeding, cloth diapers, drugs during labor, circumcision, co-sleeping and all that good stuff...(this will be laced with sarcasm, but remember, it is because I have been 'soap boxing it' for the past month or so)---

Breast Feeding:
Here is the thing, I am going to attempt to do it.  If it works out...GREAT!  I know for sure I will only be able to breast feed for six weeks, but during those six weeks, I will give it a shot.  I am excited to bond with my child in this way and I think it will be awesome to use my body to nourish my child.  So awesome that it is hard to comprehend.  BUT...guess what...if it doesn't work out, if it is too painful, the baby won't latch, etc...etc...I will stop and use formula.  AND, my child will not suffer because of it.  PRACTICALITY does not back up your statistics, crazy-breast-feeding-moms.  I have known plenty of children who are formula fed and they don't get sick every other week, they are not mentally slow, and they are happy babies.  SO...stop trying to make woman feel less than adequate because you have decided to breast feed your child until they are seventeen years old. OH, and if you are breast feeding, cover yourself, its called decency.  It isn't some conspiracy against you.  It is beautiful! You, and your husband should think it is beautiful, but MY husband has a right to feel uncomfortable about your breast hanging out. 

Cloth Diapers
I think you are a super mom if you do it!  One day, in the future, with future children, I might consider it.  BUT, for now, with everything happening for the first time, I am gonna give myself a break and use disposable.  And I am happy with that decision and wish you would stop trying to convince me otherwise in a mean/judgmental way and instead, be like the author of the nice article, trying to show both the positives and negatives.

Drugs during labor
I can't wait:)  I know all of the things that can happen.  I have heard all the horror stories.  I have talked to woman that have had babies without drugs and it seems to be the most enjoyable experience.  I have also talked to woman who have done it both ways and wouldn't even consider labor without drugs.  Regardless, I am not afraid of the 'man' making me take drugs as some conspiracy to strip me of my God-given right to feel labor pains.  If I end up doing it without drugs, awesome!  If I end up so hopped up I can barely recognize my child until two days later...AWESOME!  It's all good my friends.  AND, for those of you that somehow make this a theological argument (based on your OWN thoughts) deciding that labor pains are the price I must pay due to original sin...well, let me just say, you make Jesus sad.

This is where I REALLY got upset.  I am still so upset about this.  To say, write, post, affirm anything that would equate circumcision to mutilation is disgusting. As, I am sure all the nut jobs know, most men have been circumcised  and I know very few that are still feeling the effects of post-traumatic stress syndrome.  If I choose not to circumsize  my child (which would like, NEVER happen)- more power to me.  Lots of people have lots of reasons  to do things.  BUT, the minute you are so insulting as to refer to circumcision as mutilation...you have crossed a line and should really pray about your motivation for saying such things.  It is awful, just awful to use language like that.  And you should be ashamed of yourself.

This one is quite laughable, so I will just say this.  If you want your kid in bed with you until they are 42, more power to you.  I am sure we will co-sleep, or at least have a bassinet in our room while our baby breast feeds simply because it will be more convenient for us.   But shortly after that, he will learn to sleep in his crib.  And as we put him down, there are sure to be nights when he will cry, because he would rather be in bed with us...and we are going to let him cry it out.  And learn that there are times to go to sleep and times to be awake.  And, we are fairly certain he won't be permanently damaged because of crying it out...after all, most of us did just that, and I don't have an regressed memories of the experience.

WHEW- there is more, but for now, I feel better. Thanks blog!


  1. Mary, I love you so much right now, it hurts! Oh, I remember those days... I had a sister who I thought knew everything... she thought everyone could breastfeed. I couldn't. The first week was hell, when Liam had lost over a ppound at that point, my doc said I HAD to start supplementing. I still breastfed for 30mins on each side before each bottle, he drank more than most newborns after that. Liam had less and less patiance for it until it dwindled to twice a day and then nothing at about 3 months. Patrick had to come take him from me I was crying so hard the day Liam finally refused to try at all anymore. I thought I was the biggest failure. Such crap!
    We did both cloth and disposable. All I can say is...Atleast we have the disposable for the next kid.
    I got preggers less than 2 months after back surgery so I took drugs during pregnancy, lots more during labor, and had to be completely klnocked out for my c-section b/c the epidural didn't work. My sister had to go drug free for a VBAC and then got an epidural. She said natural birth is just stupid.
    Liam couldn't be circumsised at birth and then we ended up having to wait until after he was one... it was a big disaster! I would still circ. the next one. My sister says the daddy usually wants his son to look the same and I hade a cousin who HAD to get it done at like 12. No, no!
    We did WAy to much co-sleeping out of laziness, we just finally got Liam to sleep all night alone without being put back. You have the right idea in my opinion.
    However, the longer I am a parent the more I realize I don't have THE answers and every kid is different. I Hate judgemental mothers a lot too. I feel it from a lot of people who see me with only one kid after 5 years and look at me like I MUST be destroying my soul and body with birthcontrol. I can't help that God just knows what He's doing. Love you lady!

  2. I LOVE YOU!!! You make me smile and laugh and really, really miss you!!! Can't wait for our babies to grow up as besties!

  3. Agreed! Just wait until you actually have the baby for even MORE opinions to be thrust upon you - even by complete strangers. Do whatever works for you, and be happy about it :)

  4. YAY Ann! We are so darn lucky to have our babies together:) And Colleen...I am trying to gear myself for the opinions post-birth...heaven help a naturally defensive woman with her first child:)