Friday, June 26, 2015

"LOVE WINS"- they say

This is what my husband wrote on facebook a few moments ago...

"This decision does not affect me personally as an individual. The way that is does affect me is being a Catholic father raising 4 children in the 21st century. What does today's decision mean in terms of the world my 4 children will be raised in, one different than the one I came up in? One of the best things that God gave us is free will, a very powerful gift. However, that gift came with boundaries. To me, I think that the message to my children is that there is the Law of God and the Law of Man. Previously, the two intersected and there wasn't much of a difference. Now, they are farther and farther apart from each other and that gap appears to continually increase. One is static and won't ever change for our benefit and the other is relative and changes with the culture. Today's decision is a large victory for the Law of Man. It allows people to make their own choices as they see fit for them. I don't have a problem with that.
My hope is that the Law of Man stays away from the Law of God. My hope is that people do not try to now go into churches and demand that churches marry same-sex couples. Much like churches respect the legal system, even though they may not agree we need to keep the legal system outside of churches whether they agree or not."
Aaron Wilkerson

My husband is and will probably always be the smartest man I know... and his words perfectly articulate how I and so many others feel about the decision today.  I didn't have a strong opinion on what the Supreme Court should do, if anything, I knew things would swing this way.  But as so many people celebrate, I find myself terribly worried.

I am worried for my children, and hope that so many people who are celebrating today will remember to respect our family's decision to define the Sacrament of Marriage as different from Legal Marriage.  Truth be told, I am not confident that will be the case, and that scares me, for my children, more than I can articulate.

After I heard the Supreme Court decision, my eldest was having a meltdown (someone is always having a meltdown around here).  So I held him in my arms and rocked him, it was a perfect moment.  He was looking up at me and I was looking at him and we were quiet.  It lasted about five minutes, which, at his age, five minutes is a lot.  As I held him, looking into his eyes, I find myself almost moved to tears with anxiety about how I will raise him in this world. Raise him to know his faith, and live his faith.  Raise him to stick to his convictions and to our faith's understanding of marriage, and sexuality... raise him to always treat people with love and respect, even if they see things differently than we do.  But then I see my facebook newsfeed flooded with words like bigot, almost a hysterical frenzy to describe people like me, people who don't really care what the government decides to do, but want to make sure my faith is always allowed to hold it's expression of sexuality as the traditional expression.  And I worry, such very real worry, that even his very life could be at risk for holding those views in a matter of time.  Reactionary?  Maybe.. how I am feeling?  Certainly.

And I do think, in case you are wondering, of my gay friends, some of them with children, who are probably looking at their children today, gazing into their eyes and feeling a hope for them that they have never been able to feel before.  I know that my worry to them seems silly, as they soak in the joy of what they see as an advancement of culture today.

So, I guess, like Aaron, I just have to hope that maybe this country will at this point in history actually live the words of Christ correctly, the words to "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's"- Mark 12

The fear is that never really works out historically- maybe this time will be different.  And so, today, I will continue to pray for love to be more prevalent in the world, real love, good love, love based on a sacrifice, the denial of self.. the only love that has ever really brought about authentic happiness.


  1. I'm very proud of your husband for how he worded that- well done! Now we can only keep praying for safety and freedom of religion to maintain its hold.

  2. I think this is an over exxageration. If you honestly think the supreme court is going to force churches and religions to marry same sex couples then you definitely are coming up with reasons to make this s bigger deal. Its 2015!!! Grow up. This is the real world. You Catholics are the true bigots. You refuse to be open minded about anything then what you were taught. My children are taught to love and care for all. Not based on their sexuality or who they choose to love. I was a Catholic. But when you fall in love with another man and take him to church with you and you're shunned then it us what it is. Its now us homosexuals against the Catholic Church. Funny how other religions embraced my husband and I into their congregation but yet the very people who claim to be Catholic can only cry a river when they don't get their way. Abortion, same sex marriages, getting married by. A "non male priest" etc. This is the real world. Don't put yourselves on a pedestal over people you think are not "good enough." Same thing with racism. It was wrong then but it's not wrong now. Catholics need to Get over themselves.

  3. I wish I could figure out how to respond directly to comments. Thanks Maxwell for your thoughts. I don't think I need to 'grow up'. I feel quite grown up :) I'm sorry you were shunned, I can't imagine that particular hurt, especially within a faith community. I'm not crying a river, I think I even said I get how this is a celebration for many of my friends. I just worry, that people like you, who would define us Catholics as "Bigots" might be willing to see our Church's forced into a violation of religious conscience. But man, I sure hope you are right and it's just an exaggeration. I guess only time will tell.

  4. Thank you for this inspirational post. It gave me hope, and a good starting point for when I broach this topic with my children.

  5. The thing I love about friendship is that, regardless of differences between two individuals, the bond they hold surpasses all of that.
    Mary and I have been friends for quite some time now, and as diverse as we are from one another, we have ALWAYS respected each other on any stance we took and any aspect of life we have lived. For that, I am extremely thankful.
    So first and foremost, I would like to point out that Mary, nor Aaron, are bigots or anything of such nature. They are true believers in their faith and live through it and for it as purely as possible every day. I commend them for being such strong believers and such dedicated souls to what they believe and love. I have never strayed from that. So Mr. Linger (and anyone else who deems it fit to spread hate on such a positive blog), I request that you refrain from speaking such nonsense and instead accept that there are those who are different from you, who love differently from you, who believe differently than you and embrace the impact that human kind entails on this world, whether you agree or not.
    That being said, in my own personal belief, I am (obviously) happy about the ruling that will play in favor of me. However, I do not and will never expect any church, in any state, to be forced to marry same-sex couples. There is a separation of church and state, as there always should have been, and this ruling should not change any aspect of that. I understand that same-sex individuals whom celebrate faith and worship certain religions would like to be able to marry their partners in a church, to be recognized in the name of God or whomever they serve; however, they must accept the fact that this may never be the case. It is unfortunate, yet understandable as to why it shall be this way. Yes, I know this is easy for me to say, seeing as I am Agnostic, but I do not wish to take away the beliefs and freedom of the members of a church simply to give them to individuals whom have fought just to receive equality. I see that as a loss in my mind. Why take away from one "group" to give to yourself when you know the struggle? It simply does not make sense to me. This world is, and always will be, forever changing. Those who believe in something and stick to it, I praise you. Even if I don't agree, you have my support on the integrity, even if you don't on the subject matter.
    Keep you head up and your heart full, Mary. You know I've always got your back. Those kids are in good hands. I haven't a single worry about that.

  6. To the commentor who was offended... What i dont understand is how you interpret a post in such a way... Its obvious you have a lot of pain. But She never said that others were not good enough...or put herself on a pedestal... Or anything else implied.