And I'm sick to my stomach about it.
The years with just me went by waaaaaaaay too quick.
Strangers will be with him during the day more than I will.
He's not a baby anymore, and although the baby years are hard... I know the complicated reality of raising children in today's culture is just beginning.
So here's how we are coping.
On Saturday, I was downstairs with all three boys. We were talking about school and how much I am going to miss them (Joseph is starting Pre-K), but how happy I am for them. It made me think of the song below.
(trigger warning... if you have children growing up and you are melancholy about that, click with care)
I decided to play the freaking song, while snuggling with my three boys.
I, of course, got teary eye'd. But I was holding it together.
Then the husband comes downstairs. He saw I was upset.
So I start explaining how sad I am that Aaron is going to all day kindergarten, and how sad I am that Joey is going to preschool. And then it starts, the ugly cry... "IT'S ALL GOING TOO FAST, I'M JUST GOING TO MISS THEM SO MUCH"...
Because I am so selfish, I didn't even consider my three boys watching me ugly cry. All of a sudden little Aaron puts his face down, and within five seconds he is in hysterics...
"I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU MOMMY!!!"
I wiped my tears, calmed down, but sweet little Aaron was beyond comfort. We let him cry it out with his whole heart and then, to get him to stop (my ears were hurting), I finally told him if he didn't want to go to kindergarten he didn't have to.
<<<Before you judge me too hard core, realize he dried his eyes and five minutes later I asked him if he would go to school and he said, "Yes, I am excited">>>
The moral of the story?
Next Monday is the first day of school, and I am not going to do well, you can feel free to pray :)
Or give me advice, but I don't think advice will stop this heartache :(
It just goes too fast.