I'm linking up with Kelly at This Ain't The Lyceum to give you this week's quick takes. Are you ready?
(one)
This week at school, Aaron was made fun for complimenting someone's Moana backpack...
he asked me if he was weird for liking girl things.
Then, Aaron made fun of another kid's parent... but it was truly accidental.
Some other kids heard it and joined in.
A couple kids started talking about their pretend birthday parties, and said Aaron wasn't invited.
It was a week of things like that.
And I was working to navigate Aaron through them, but feeling kind of bummed out about everything.
Then.
LIGHTBULB.
A girlfriend reminded me, he is learning lessons. Through very normal and developmentally appropriate 'issues' we are teaching our son what it means to be kind, good, holy, and how to deal with difficult people with confidence etc...
It doesn't necessarily make it easier, BUT, when I was able to frame it as moments of learning...
I felt better about it.
(two)
Speaking of.
You guys know I don't read parenting books.
I look to my friends, family, acquaintances to give me advice that works.
So, I need advice.
I've worked with thousands of teenagers.
And I can always tell the difference between kids who have confidence, and kids who already had confidence stolen from them.
So.
The advice.
How do you help little people take the hits of the unkind actions of their peers, family members, etc...
BUT
still have a sense of confidence?
And I mean really practically.
What words have you used that work?
What things have you said when your kid is crying because someone hurt their feelings?
How do you teach them to deal with the kids at school who aren't kind?
Tell me exactly what you do. I'm ready to receive it :)
You guys know I don't read parenting books.
I look to my friends, family, acquaintances to give me advice that works.
So, I need advice.
I've worked with thousands of teenagers.
And I can always tell the difference between kids who have confidence, and kids who already had confidence stolen from them.
So.
The advice.
How do you help little people take the hits of the unkind actions of their peers, family members, etc...
BUT
still have a sense of confidence?
And I mean really practically.
What words have you used that work?
What things have you said when your kid is crying because someone hurt their feelings?
How do you teach them to deal with the kids at school who aren't kind?
Tell me exactly what you do. I'm ready to receive it :)
(three)
(four)
Question- How fun is fall?
Answer- SO.MUCH.FUN.
(four)
I like how my parents raised me.
There are two lessons I heard repeatedly growing up I hope to pass on to my children.
1. Life is not fair.
2. Some people aren't nice, but we still love them.
I really think if most people were told as often as I was 'Life's not Fair' we'd be in a much better position in these United States.
(five)
There are two lessons I heard repeatedly growing up I hope to pass on to my children.
1. Life is not fair.
2. Some people aren't nice, but we still love them.
I really think if most people were told as often as I was 'Life's not Fair' we'd be in a much better position in these United States.
(five)
This is my weight loss map for the first part of my weight loss journey.
I get to color in three more squares today. Woot woot. Imma have that bangin' body before you know it :)
Also, weight loss maps are fun.
(six)
Thanks for the prayers, the retreats last weekend went really well. We introduced a new Confirmation Retreat, and it will need some tweaking, but overall I think it's pretty solid.
This weekend I'll be giving a workshop on the Church's teaching on homosexuality.
And later in the week, a presentation on praying within the family.
Both presentations I am excited for.
One I always get a little nervous about.
I'll let you figure out which one ;)
(seven)
On tap today is the Cider Mill with one of our favorite cousins...
Followed by an all grade play date at an indoor jungle gym...
AND, if I can rally (which I highly doubt I can) adult drinks with cousins...
I guess you can say it's gonna be a pretty busy day.
But all good things.
So no complaints.
Followed by an all grade play date at an indoor jungle gym...
AND, if I can rally (which I highly doubt I can) adult drinks with cousins...
I guess you can say it's gonna be a pretty busy day.
But all good things.
So no complaints.
The reading doesn't have to stop here, head on over to http://thisaintthelyceum.org/ to read more quick takes!
For advice I would say the following:
ReplyDeleteMake sure the kids are using their words when someone hurts them. They need to communicate to that other kid what's wrong. You can role play at home if your kid is shy.
If communication doesn't clear things up, your kid should avoid the other kid where possible. I tell my kids if "____" makes you feel bad/angry/upset, then you should not play with "___".
Model the behavior you want to see - if someone insults/hurts you, deal with it in a way that your kids can see is a positive one.
Encourage some empathy - sometimes people are mean to us when they themselves are feeling upset or sad. Remind your child to try to be kind.
Sometimes, what you as a parent thinks is a big deal may not actually be a long term problem. I usually let me kid tell me their tale of woe, reflect back to them what they told me and what I think they might feel, and often that's enough. The kid just needed their feelings about the situation to be validated. (some kids brood and some kids bounce - you'll need to figure out which type is yours.)
If it's a school, let the teacher know if there is a problem. Moms and Dads can't be there all the time, and the teacher is the person in charge. (Go to the proper authority).
Make sure your kid has a interest they really like. Having something to be positive and fun/engaging in one's life can help build confidence and resilience.
Hopefully this helps. If not, maybe someone else has better ideas. The above has mostly worked with my kids. (and sometimes you can't fix it and they get hurt and you help them rebuild after it's done.)
Enjoy your adorable family!
My 7Q worth of advice:
ReplyDelete#1...if your kids are willing to share with you openly what hurt them you're doing something right. Pat yourself on the back!
#2...listen patiently with full attention, address only when necessary (don't overreact) and then MOVE ON! Teaching our kids not to dwell on these situations will go a long way.
#3...when their tears subside, create something! Shift away from the negative. Something we would often do is bake cookies, tie them up pretty bows and the kids would go off to deliver them to the neighbors. Everybody gets happy and the injured little soul's sense of worth is restored!
#4...often "creative time" had a dual purpose. It gave me a focus and extra time for MY emotions to shift. It's hard to see our kids get hurt and not question our parenting, (or plot some sinester revenge, lol)...Don't go there!
#5...now's the time to claim the truth that God is able to work all things for good. No challenge = no growth. God's needs both the dark and the light colors to paint his masterpiece!
#6...think of these days as laying a foundation. If you're lucky, your adult children will continue to "come home" when life is hard for support & comfort. Your heart will swell when your grown child fights back tears...and once again you see your little boy or girl struggling to grow. And once again you'll listen, give advice, and help them move on...with a pack of cookies in hand of course! ��
#7...you are fullfilling the most important and rewarding role on earth as a parent and co-creator. Give thanks to have been chosen!
Happy Parenting!
Katie Wells