... So all is quiet in the Wilkerson house. Though I loathe typing on the iPad, I am feeling a bit in a reflective mood. So, I thought I would write it down.
Today was a stay at home mom day. It was a good day. It's 9:25 pm and the boys are bathed and both sleeping. My house is clean, things are put away, and I am sitting on the couch drinking a glass of skinny girl peach something and I am totally in love with my life. There are even warm cookies on the table for when big Aaron gets home (don't get excited, they are from a package). Today, my friends, was a good day.
And today I am more than overwhelmed with the life I have been blessed with.
I am in awe of my 16 month old that is FINALLY saying words. Do you know he sleeps likes big boy? On a pillow in his crib. He is a side sleeper. When I peek in at him, I am constantly amazed at how fast he is growing. He is funny as all heck, like, for real. When he knows he is making me laugh, he keeps doing whatever he is doing and looking at me for approval. He is an entertainer and right now, for this moment in time, I'm his favorite. I thought that the other day at mass, he left with big a for a minute...when he came back, he ran at me with the biggest grin and I thought, "I'm totally his favorite". I spent years being the favorite aunt (at least in my mind) but now, when I hold my son...for this hot second, I know I'm his favorite, it's beautiful,
I am shocked by my capacity to love Joey. Do you know he is smiling now? He has the funniest facial expressions. He only cries when he is hungry or needs something, he is such a good baby. I am so sure that he is a wise soul. I decided he loves to snuggle on me. He still balls up and tucks his chin in his chest when he sleeps. His days of sleeping in the bassinet next to me are numbered, I have to remember to cherish them. I love that his eyes are starting to focus on me and that they follow me. I love that the sound of my voice can bring out a grin. Oh, I love how he is tough...his brother loves him so much, though his snuggles sometimes hurt I am sure, joey doesn't really cry. It's really beautiful. I cannot believe I have been blessed with two boys, it still doesn't seem real, I am a mother of two sons.
I am proud of who my husband and I are becoming. This week he has been really busy, we haven't had a lot of time together, and guess what? Do you know I still miss him if he is not by my side? He drives me crazy but I can tell we are getting better at marriage,even when It's hard. We are finally making sure prayer happens every night. When I am stubborn, he pushes through my walls. When I complain, he makes a sincere effort to meet the needs of our family.
Oh.no! Now I'm crying...want to know why? Because my sons love him, they love him so much. Little Aaron runs to him after work. He watches him leave for work n the morning. He never leaves the door Until the car is out of sight. There is probably nothing neater than seeing a son's love for his daddy. It takes my breath away, it makes me cry.
I'm coming out of the newborn fog (dang, that's a tough couple o months huh?) and at least tonight, I am so in love with my life. I am so amazed at who God has been to me and what He has done in my life in such a short amount of time. Tonight, my friends, my cup runneths over. There are so many more reasons, but I hate typing on the iPad...so maybe I will just sit in silent wonder of what is my reality with a grateful spirit and a conviction...
...to be thankful
...to be humble
...to be present
...to be faithful
...to be worthy of the call I have received
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
I just love seven quick takes. I love reading others and it is a fun way to summarize thoughts in one's head.
Maternity Leave ended this week. I went back to work for the first time. Though I am excited about going to work (and, if I am being honest, getting a little 'break' from the home during the week) I am going to MISS my boys and this life so much. Thank GOD there is not another World Youth Day this summer. That was NOT a pleasant way of going back to work last summer, I think I might still be emotionally scarred from leaving my 3 month old for that length of time.
 |
| My crack up |
 |
| My 'stocky' boy at the Wiggles |
Sometimes, people ask me how being a mom of two under two is...well,a couple of days ago, I found a pacifier...in my nursing bra. Yes, my friends, this has become my life. :) The.end.
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
How Little Joseph...
“I don’t do well at the end of pregnancy”- That was my
mantra the last couple o’ weeks (who am I kidding? The last month) of pregnancy. I was a ball of canceled plans, not enough
work, etc… Between the vomiting, the lack of sleep, the false labor, and the
anxiety of desperately wanting a natural labor, I was pretty much a hot
mess. Believe it or not, I really tried
not to complain about it, except to my husband.
To him, well I was pretty intolerable I think. In addition to all that fun, we also had false
hope at every doctor’s appointment. At
week 37 I was two centimeters dilated, the doctor was VERY confident that we
would go by the end of the week. At Week
38, all progress had stopped, I was miserable, I cried on the way home from
that appointment. When I got home, due
to the exam, my back was on fire. The
babysitter left me with Lil’ Aaron and I could barely walk. In fact, I crawled to his room, pushing him
in front of me to get him to his crib for a nap. It was pretty miserable. At week 39, I was not feeling too good about
life J REALLY excited to meet my sweet baby boy, but
really not doing well.
I woke up on Thursday, July 12th and said goodbye
to the husband as he left for work.
Contractions were happening, but that was nothing new, I had contractions
on and off for the past three weeks. We
had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for 11:30 am, Aaron would be meeting me
there and my dad was going to come watch lil’ A. By 9:30 am, contractions were coming with a
sense of regularity. Mind you, this was
not unusual and they were very mellow. I
did, however, call Aaron at work, saying with a hint of sarcasm, ‘they are
regular, this doesn’t mean anything, but I thought you should know’. About a half an hour before my dad got there,
they were coming every seven minutes and they were stronger than I was used
to. I had the foresight to make sure my
hospital bag was packed and that lil’ Aaron was all packed to stay at his
grandparents. He was packed for 1 or 3
days, depending on if we were successful at a natural labor. My dad got there, I went to the doctors.
The doctor’s appointment was pretty miserable. Dr. Gruskin, the neighborhood hero tried to
speed labor along a bit. They hooked me
up to a machine to check my contractions to see if the spacing/strength was
enough to be considered ‘active’ labor and send me to the hospital. The sweet nurse came in and delivered the
news…although I was having contractions, they were not consistent enough, I
should just go home. I was so
upset. I asked the nurse how I would
know if I was in active labor, she said, ‘trust me, you will know.’ I was so frustrated! We left and as we were walking to the cars,
the contractions were stronger yet. I
asked Aaron to come home with me, just in case.
He said no. In fairness to him, I
had asked him to stay home plenty of times in the last three weeks, to him,
this was just another time. BUT, being
the completely irrational wife that I am, with my back on FIRE and contractions
coming, I started crying. I stormed to
my car (the most I could storm) and got in (very slowly, there was a lot of
pain) and drove to my house. On the way
home, contractions kept coming, I called Aaron crying, once again asking him to
come home. This time, he said that he
was quite confident I was not in labor (as the nurse had JUST told us twenty
minutes ago that I wasn’t), but that he would come home if I really needed him
to. I was SO frustrated. ‘I don’t know if I am in labor’ I shouted, ‘what I do
know is it hurts, they are spaced apart, I just don’t know! Keep your phone on, I will keep you
updated’. When I got to my house, I told
my dad I was in a lot of pain. We agreed
that I should bring the bags/Lil’ Aaron and myself to my parent’s house. JUST IN CASE.
The ride to my parent’s house was pretty painful, but was just an
indication of what was to come.
When we got to my parent’s house, the contractions kept
coming. I told my parents I was going to go into the back room with Lil’ Aaron
to take a nap. I brought some water and
my parents were being so great. I laid
down with lil’ A, and that, my friends, is when ‘active’ labor started. And just like the nurse said, I knew it
was. I screamed for my mom to come get
lil’ A. I would love to say I handle this all gracefully, but I did not. I do
NOT have a high threshold for pain and my sweet joseph was ‘sunnyside up’
laying on my back. I called Aaron and
told him he needed to come get me immediately and take me to the hospital. I called the doctor’s office and they told me
to the hospital. GAME ON! This was happening.
Um, Aaron’s commute to my parent’s house was 1 hour. I
called him four times, I kept asking him where he was. I was in SO.MUCH.PAIN. I
kept telling my mom and dad, ‘This can’t be normal’, ‘This pain is more than
anyone ever said’, ‘I don’t think I am going to make it to the hospital’. Ladies and Gentleman, labor is no joke. Women are heroes. Everyone should just know that. I had always
heard that, but um , for real, I thought I was dying.
Aaron finally got to
my parent’s house and, brilliantly so, I began throwing up. Which was, awesome? My poor father, at one point, handed Aaron a
bowl for me to vomit in, he didn’t know the bowl had vomit, and all of us ended
up with a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ on us.
It was a disaster. I was crying and using some choice words (thank GOD
my dad didn’t even try to correct me).
In between contractions, I walked to the car and Aaron and I began the
30 minute drive to the hospital. With
each contraction I told Aaron, I am certain I am going to have this baby right
away. I kept telling him how much it
hurt. I kept crying. But, I was sort of amazed that in between contractions
there was little pain. We got the
hospital and we checked into triage. I
was CONVINCED I was going to be 8-9 centimeters dilated and ready to push J When they checked me in, I kept telling them
how much it hurt, ‘It is suppose to hurt sweetheart’ said one nurse, ‘it is
labor’. They came into check me, I was
excited, certain I was going to hear I was almost ready to go…the midwife said,
‘You are dilated at a good.strong.three’.
A THREE?!?!?!?!
W.T.F.
The nurse tried to make me feel better, ‘everyone has
different levels of pain they can take’. I felt like SUCH a wimp. Thank GOD Aaron didn’t say anything, because
I know he was thinking, ‘I am married to the biggest wimp ever’. At that point, I made it clear that the next
order of business was getting an epidural, ASAP. The nurses brought me over to our Labor and
Delivery room and then, in walked the face of an angel, the anesthesiologist. The epidural was, um, the best thing
ever. I don’t do well in hospitals, I am
a huge baby and I kept apologizing to the nurses. They were all very sweet and then the
epidural set in. The cool tingly itch
brought sweet relief from the pain. We
were introduced to the doctors/nurses and began to settle in for an evening of
laboring and delivering…pain free! I kept saying, ‘why would anyone want to do
this without one of these things?’ (ladies and gentlemen, labor really
hurts). After a couple hours, it became
obvious that labor wasn’t progressing as quickly as we’d like, so they began to
start pitocen. Now, I am just going to
say this, for the sake of my natural mamas that might be reading this..
SPOILER ALERT
I ended up with a
c-section this time. I am balanced
enough to wonder if the pitocen/epidural might have aided to some of the
complications I ended up having. You
don’t have to say it. I know it! And, I
am still comfortable with the trust we put in my doctors and the sweet relief that
the epidural brought us. J
SPOILER ALERT ENDED
Everything was moving along quite nicely, my mom was on her
way, and we figured that in a couple of hours, I would be ready to push. My sister in law sent me a text that said,
‘always after my epidural I go from 2-10 really quick, so get ready’. I was feeling good, Aaron went to get
something to eat and I said when he got back, maybe we could pray a Rosary as
we got ready to welcome Joseph into the world.
About a half an hour, all hell broke loose. I am still a bit fuzzy on everything that
happened, I think the ‘trauma’ (it wasn’t that bad) kind of scarred me, so it
is all a bit blurry. But, I shall try to
explain.
When Aaron got back in the room, I started to feel
sick. I thought it was because of heartburn,
but couldn’t be sure. I told Aaron I
thought I was going to be sick. And, of
course, I started vomiting. I ended up
getting quite sick and saying to Aaron, ‘I think you better call the
nurse’. He, at first, thought I was just
being my wimpy self. ‘We don’t need to
call the nurse hon, you are just not feeling well’. But, in my ever calm way I said, ‘Call the
nurse, NOW’. The rest happened very
quickly. Here is what I recall. All of a sudden there were a lot of doctors
and nurses in the room. They had the
pediatric nurses, my doctors, the anesthesiologist team, and nurses for me. The doctors/nurses felt that I needed to get
on my hands/knees and flip over (not easy to do when you are numb from the
waist down- SCORE natural mamas) They finally got me on my stomach and that is
when I heard them discussing the baby’s heartbeat. My mom had come in about that time (can you
imagine how freaked she was?!?) and the doctors/nurses were trying to decide
what to do. I just kept saying, ‘I am so scared right now, I am so scared, please pray’. I kept calling to my mom/aaron,
‘I need you to pray, I need us to pray that the baby is okay’. My mom came next to me and placed a scapular
in my hands. Probably the best nurse
ever leaned down to my face and said, ‘I am praying for you and your baby right
now’. I was SO scared and SO frightened
for Joseph. Wanting so desperately for
his heartbeat to stabilize….
SIDENOTE-
Someone asked us recently to explain why we decided to have another baby, how
we knew it was time? See, the thing is,
many people probably believe that having Joseph so soon after lil’ Aaron
(especially after a c-section with Aaron and being advised to wait a year) was
a mistake. An, ‘oops’ if you will. But he wasn’t. When we conceived lil’ Joey, we were trying
to have another child. We were excited
to get pregnant about. Lil’ Joey was a
planned baby; we couldn’t wait to expand our family to one more. We did a bit of research and found out that
you COULD have 2 c-section babies close together without too much of a crisis
and we want/wanted a big family.
Although I hate every moment of pregnancy, I could not wait to hold my
new little boy. Couldn’t wait to be a mother of two boys. Couldn’t WAIT to watch lil’ Aaron be a
brother and watch my boys grow up together.
The husband and I wanted 5-6 kids (of course, depending on what God
wants for us) with a few foster children (the husband hasn’t totally signed on
to that yet)…so lil’ Joseph was all part of the plan. What was not part of the plan was his
heartbeat dropping.
SIDENOTE ENDED
SIDENOTE ENDED
After about 5-10 minutes without being able to stabilize the
boy’s heartbeat, my doctor came up to me and said, ‘Mary, I know you want a
natural labor, but I think we are going to have to do a csection’.
Here is the thing, I did NOT want a c-section. I was very
afraid of what it would mean to future births (that is pretty much the only
reason I cared; I don’t really buy into some of the conspiracy theory stuff). I
trust my doctor, but I also know that I want/wanted lots of future babies (btw-
I know I can have seventeen hundred c sections, but just not without pretty
serious consequences), so having a c
section was really REALLY not what I wanted.
But, as I have told many people since, when you are afraid, for the life
of your child, it pretty much doesn’t matter. I looked at the ol’ doctor and
told her to do whatever she needed to do.
Within ten minutes, I was staring at the operating lights and the
surgery had begun.
One thing that was really cool, the same nurse that told me
she was praying for me, leaned over and clarified before I was wheeled into the
OR ‘Just so you know, this is NOT an emergency c-section, if it was, we would have
already delivered your baby’. It calmed
me more than you could know.
That is not to say everything was spectacular. I didn’t mention that I continued to throw up
through most of this ordeal (is that too much detail?) and when they took the
husband away as they brought me in the OR (they brought him back) I was REALLY
scared. I asked several times if the baby was okay, and no one was answering
me. So then I said, ‘I am noticing
nobody is answering me, can someone please tell me if the baby is okay?’. One of the people who was near my head said, ‘right
now the baby is not hooked up to any monitors’.
That was their only answer. Then
I began praying, and fighting being sick again.
It was a very scary SCARY bit of time for me. Aaron had been brought in and was sitting
next to me. And then I heard it…
I have said before the best.sound.ever is the sound of a
child’s cry after delivery. With lil’ A I just cried and cried when I heard
that sound. With Joseph Michael, when I
heard him cry, I literally whoop’d and hollered like I was at a tense sporting
event. It was such a feeling of relief
and exhilaration to know that he was okay, that he was out, that whatever was
making his heartbeat erratic within me was now cleared. Unlike when I had Aaron, this time the doctor
held him up over the sheet so we could see him.
Everyone was shocked at how tiny he was.
ONLY 7 pounds 14 ounces. He had a
full head of hair it was reported. The
doctor said his shoulder must have been on the umbilical cord, which was part
of the problem, but other than that everything was fine. It took an uncomfortably long time for them
to sew me up, that part sucked. The husband
was holding Joseph Michael. They said
there was quite a bit of scar tissue from lil’ Aaron, but that I would def. be
able to have a third (SCORE). I was so
tired at that point, I kept falling asleep (sorry little Joseph) and, for those
of your familiar with the c section procedure, I just kept shivering and
shivering. 
They brought me over to recovery and Aaron and I had time to
be with our sweet baby boy. We needed to
bring his temperature up, so we immediately did skin to skin. My sweet baby boy laying on me, warmed up
quickly. I felt so grateful and so bewildered at all that had occurred. In a very short amount of time, things went
from very okay to very not okay. I went
from the emotion of being so excited that we were naturally laboring, to being
scared scared scared that sweet baby boy was not going to be okay. By the time they brought us into our room, my
head was in full processing mode. The
whole thing seems like a bit of a blur.
Obviously snuggling with my little one was incredible, but I was also
processing everything that had just happened.
The husband went to bed right away, but even though I was tired to the
point of tears, I could not shut my mind off enough to sleep. I sent a text my
very good friend Ann, who had an unexpected c section with her baby boy and
asked her to pray for me. I was just so freaked out by the whole
experience. I am quite confident I have
never felt the range of emotion in one day that I did on July 12th. But, then it was July 13th…
…And we had a beautiful baby boy. I am not gonna lie, the husband and I make
some cute babies (and I am not one that thinks all babies are cute). Joseph is no exception. His lack of eyelashes and freakishly long
toes make him unique, but he is just perfect.
He doesn’t cry except when he is hungry or gassy. He never spits up, he latched on to nursing
right away. He opens his eyes and looks
at us with such a cute little curious face.
We kept telling the doctors/nurses/pediatricians, ‘can you believe how
small he is?’. Finally one doctor was
like, ‘um, he is a very average sized baby’.
And we realized he was only small to us due to lil’ A’s 10 pound 6 ounce
status.
The stay in the hospital was much calmer this time. Less visitors, more time with just the hubster,
me and lil’ Joey. God has a funny way of
working things out, it was just what we needed.
Although not much about my pregnancy with Joey or his
delivery was easy, it was just as it was meant to be. I am so SO thankful for every single
nurse/doctor/etc…that we came into contact with during our time at the
hospital. I am so thankful for modern medicine and so very thankful for our two
boys. We do not know what God has in
store for the future of our family, but we are thankful for what we have been
given (well, most of the time, when both boys are crying at once, I become a
little less thankful!).
That is the story of how Joey entered the world. I am
one.blessed.mama!
(Professional photos by Russ Wasyhyshyn)
Friday, August 10, 2012
 |
| Cute Baby |
 |
| My BIL who coined the phrase (more on his fancy outfit in next week's blog) |
 |
| My son, annoyed that I am an interrupter of his TV time |
Speaking of Groupon, I am all about it. My husband and I have Sept, Oct, and Nov's date nights all set up due to the lovely thing that is Groupon. I am very excited for each of those date nights.
I still have to write Joseph Michael's birth story, my goal is to do it this weekend, so all of you trusty readers- it is coming, have no fear. Also speaking of trusty readers, this week I got a nice compliment that said through my blog, this person can see that I am not a jerk about religion to those that are not religious. I appreciated it muchly, especially because I may have been accused of being a jerk about religion through my blog/social networking sites, and, um, I know I am not. So it was a redemptive compliment. Thanks Person who made my week :)
 |
| Why I am pretty much famous |
Happy Friday!
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
