Monday, October 10, 2016

No, Malia... You don't have to settle for guys who talk like that...

I know people are sick to death of everyone's opinions of politics and the cluster we have on our hands.  I know it. The majority of us feel like we are backed against the wall, forced to make the best choice between two really bad options for president.  It's enough to make us sick, it's enough to fill us with anxiety, and gosh, I can't even picture what our country is going to look like next year.

Just to get this out of the way. I think Trump is 'a lesser evil' than HRC. I really do.  But he is a bad enough choice, that he won't get my vote.

That's not what I want to write about though.

I want my daughter to know she doesn't have to settle for guys who talk in a way that is threatening, derogatory, or objectifies women to nothing more than things, for the purpose of use.

I've kind of always hung around good guys.  Partly, I am sure, because of luck.  Partly, I am sure, because I have a dad who instilled in his daughters the difference between a 'good guy' and a 'bad guy'.  Also, probably partly because of grace.    Regardless, it's kind of foreign for me to be around the type of guys who would say the vile things Trump and Billy Bush said 11 years ago.

10 years ago, I had an experience I will never forget.  I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch a Michigan game with some friends, and some men who were friends of friends.  As we sat there, these guys were disgusting.  They were commenting on the appearance of the waitress, the tightness of some girl's t-shirts, who was ugly/and who was 'hot'.  It was super gross. I left early, and I haven't been around those people, or really even the friend who brought them along, socially since.  I remember leaving and thinking to myself, 'oh, these are the kind of guys we are warned about'.

But I don't know those type of guys.

I know the guys who speak respectfully, for the most part, around women. I know the type of guys who open doors, pump gas, and respect the value women bring to the table.  The type of guys who challenge me intellectually, morally and spiritually. I know those type of guys. They are my brothers, they are my friends, they are the people I regularly associate with.

I married the type of guy who said, "I made you a promise I would ensure we waited until our wedding night to have sex, and I intend to keep that promise"

I married the type of guy who makes me feel beautiful, even after four kids and all the changes my body has gone through in the last six years.

I married the type of guy who understand fidelity to marriage doesn't just happen, it takes work and a conscience effort... an effort he is willing to put in.

I guess, I just want my daughter Malia to fully understand she doesn't have to settle for anything less than the good type of guy.  It's not normal to talk about a woman as objects meant for use.  It's not excusable to degrade women as objects just because other people have in the past.  And, though we always offer forgiveness, it's okay to judge the actions of person as dangerous enough that we shouldn't be around them.

I give a talk to high school teenage girls in the area.  The talk is meant to highlight the dignity we have as women and what that demands from us in terms of our treatment of self, and our treatment of others.  The final point in the talk is not to settle for less than we deserve.  We don't settle for less than we deserve because we have God who became man to show us His unending love for us.  That man, Jesus, told us to call God, Abba, or daddy.  Scripture tells us God is also referred to as King of Kings.

My daddy is a KING.  When your daddy is a KING you don't have to settle for anything less than the fullness of dignity owed to you by your very creation.

So I hope my Malia Paul always remembers, her heavenly daddy is a KING. That King wants her to be loved, cherished, respected and honored.   

I hope my Malia paul always remembers she does not EVER have to settle for less than that.

I pray Malia always understands there are many, many men who don't treat women poorly, and those are the men she should invest in.

And she never, ever has to settle for guys who 'talk like that'.

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