Tuesday, November 29, 2016

5 Questions about #5

I feel like #5 takes you to the next level of big families. Over #7 levels you up even higher- but #5 puts you completely out of the normal range.

(*Disclaimer- we understand we have been incredibly lucky and even undeservedly blessed to be able to have one child, let alone five- we pray so very much for our friends and family who have struggled to conceive and I in no way want to be insensitive or flippant about the miracle it is to bring life into the world.  To our friends/family/readers of the ol' blog who are currently living through any type of infertility, know you are in our prayers)

So let's talk.
Here's five questions you didn't ask about #5

"WHOA. Was this pregnancy planned?"
Yup.  The ol' husband was open to a 5th as soon as the 4th was born. I have a really tough time with pregnancy though, so I was more hesitant than ever before. I remember saying to many people, "I can't imagine a world where I would willingly have another".
We talked a lot, put a plan in place (Team Wilkerson for the WIN), and decided we would be open to another.  The bottom line? I am NEVER going to like being pregnant.  There is nothing about it that I enjoy, except the point of it all, which is the ability to create LIFE with JESUS.  And I love being a mom. I love having a big family.  My doctor cleared us physically for a fifth, and we felt emotionally, spiritually and financially ready.  We were going to wait until the new year, but it took us several months to conceive Malia, so we decided to start a bit early.  It didn't take us several months this time :)  Part of the amazing thing about Natural Family Planning, is you get to know your body really well, whether avoiding or trying to conceive.

"Um, you complain a lot about the hardness of your life, so why add another element of hard?"
I've thought a lot about this one.  I think I need to do better, maybe particularly on social media, of balancing the truth of the hard, with the truth of the awesome.  Having four kids (now five) so close together is really difficult sometimes, for lots of reasons....But the awesome outweighs the hard so much more than I sometimes articulate.  Our lives have to look different because of the number of children (and their ages) that we have.  We can't do as much (we don't want to do as much), it's hard to make plans (6 people dictating reality vs. 3 or 4), it takes FOREVER to do something as simple as leave the house...BUT
The awesome is so much more than I could ever describe.  The awesome is the kids one by one sneaking into our bed on the weekend to snuggle. The awesome is my oldest two sleeping in the same bed every night because they are best friends.  The awesome is the way the three older boys adore their little sister.  The awesome is the endless snuggles, magical moments, laughter of our crazy lives.  The awesome happens all the time.
I try to be a person who 'keeps it real' on the interwebs, but also in real life.  But man, I'd hate to think for the sake of 'keeping it real' people in our lives are missing the reason we keep having all these babies....
IT'S BECAUSE IT'S AMAZING. And we've got really great kids. Loud and rambunctious kids... but really great kids.  And so long as God keeps allowing us to have them, and my doctor thinks it's safe, I can't imagine stopping the awesome that is occurring.

"I'm sorry, does that mean you might even have MORE?"
You guys...I think so.  I mean, I don't know so, because we take every pregnancy one at a time, but after my cesarean with Malia, my doctor said she would be open to five, or even six.  We trust our doctor like I can't even express.  I feel like God gave her to us as a gift. She is a skilled surgeon, and has always been completely honest with us. When we conceived the boys back to back (each were born 14 months apart) she told us we were being careless.  I am confident she will be honest with us after this newest Wilkerson if she doesn't think we should have another, but as long as we are good physically- I think we will be open to it.

"I've been to your house...where are  you going to store all these tiny people"
This is Malia's room- gonna be a leeeeeetle bit tight adding another bed :)
This has been a hot topic of debate in our house for, um, years. We love our house, you guys, so much.  But sometimes it feels small. I think five kids in our 1,000 square foot house is going to REALLY start to push it.  BUT, as noted here before, we have an awesome finished basement, our game changer.  So, the kids can comfortably play, and I don't have to look at their toys all day long on the main floor.  Five kids in two tiny bedrooms is going to be tight, but I think we've decided, we are going to make it work.  If baby #5 is a boy, there will eventually be two sets of bunk beds in the boys room, and Malia's room will have their dressers.  If baby #5 is a girl, that's going to be a bit trickier. Malia's room is tight right now with a crib, bookshelf dresser, and rocking chair.  It's gonna stretch us to add a bed and a crib in her room. BUT, my sister suggested dressers in closets, and I think we can make it work.  When they get a bit older, we can turn a room in the basement into a bedroom by adding an egress window.... so we are gonna stay in our little house, at least for the foreseeable future.   Staying in this house allows for Catholic schools and travel- two things I am not willing to give up just yet.

"Now that the important stuff is out of the way, how are you feeling?"
Physically- I am tired. So tired.  I cried to Aaron this weekend, explaining that someone who has never been pregnant cannot possibly understand the exhaustion of the first trimester.  It's a type of tired that penetrates your very soul (how's that for dramatic?). BUT, I am not puking... yet. And that's a huge win.  I am going to try a few different things this time to avoid the dreaded sickness, maybe it will help? maybe not... but at least I can say I tried ;)

We are also feeling unworthy and humbled that God has chosen us to be parents once again.  With each kid, my understanding of the miracle deepens in a way. I cannot believe we've been blessed with another one, and I'm not just saying that. We are excited that Malia gets to be a big sister, the boys are freaking out pumped.  It's a crazy miraculous thing to make people- and I am sitting with that profound truth every day.

So there's the answers, in case you were wondering.

PS- It's weird, but I think some other big families can relate.  Because of our weird culture, it's almost embarrassing to tell people you are having another child.  We brace ourselves for reactions/judgments/etc...  I just wanted to say to my friends on social media, thanks so much for the joy and happiness you expressed with our announcement.  It truly meant the world to us!


  1. Congratulations!! It's so heartening to read this!! We have three and are open to another one whenever God blesses us. Super hard to explain to people who just don't see things the same way. We also have a very small house. I recently got these two comments: you're going to have to move if you have more kids though, right?? And .... why do you want more? Do you just really like being pregnant?? Both were sincere but inside I was 😱😂....because no we won't be moving and NO I don't just like being pregnant haha. Excited for you!!

  2. Mary I am so excited for you guys! The world definitely needs more cute lil Wilkerson's :)

  3. Mary, congratulations!!! When I first started reading this post, I kept thinking, "Um, maybe Mary's having a "mom brain" moment? 'Cause I'm pretty sure she has four kids, not five..." and I double-checked by counting them in your family photo, and THEN it all clicked. I'm a tad slow today ;) I am so happy for all of you, I'm super glad that you haven't puked at all, and I will be praying for you!

  4. Congratulations! What a blessing! Don;t worry about the space - little kids stack up in bunk beds real nicely! (We have 3 kids rooms, each with a bunk bed. And one has a trundle underneath as well! And dressers in closets, and kids' clothes in whichever room they'll fit. It's crazy and it works - mostly.) I think you're right in that your nice basement will help - having a kids space and keeping some rooms upstairs mostly free of toys will keep the chaos level down. And give you room to breath. I would suggest you try to keep wardrobes and toys to a minimum - buy few things that they use and wear a lot - also lowers the chaos lvel. (For me, Catholic school uniforms have been a lifesaver!).
    I hope your health continues good, and that God blesses you with a baby as cute as its siblings!

  5. Congratulations to you all!!! What wonderful news :-) I think once you overshoot the "standard" 2 kids by having a third, most people are pretty surprised by #4. Going to 5 usually raises a lot of eyebrows. Beyond 5...well, I feel like people will assume you are either Catholic or Mormon. My dear SIL, when pregnant with #5 was asked by a nosy neighbor if she was Mormon because not only is she "clearly crazy" by having 5 children, but she is so young (the neighbor incorrectly mistook her for being in her mid 20s). Um, no...and they aren't Catholic either, just really like having kids. My sister is pregnant too with baby #2, and she was super uncomfortable with this pregnancy, more so than her 1st. When she finally went to see a midwife at 24 weeks along and they did an ultrasound - surprise - twins! She had no idea...but I suspected, even guessed "one of each" as she went into the ultrasound.

    You are indeed blessed! So exciting for your kids to welcome another sibling - there is no better gift than siblings.

    Your prayers for those of us struggling with sub-fertility, infertility and secondary infertility are appreciated!!

  6. Congratulations to you all. I hope you have a 'good' pregnancy and delivery. This Baby will enter a family full of love :)
    Angela, Australia

  7. So freaking happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!