Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A State of the State (family) Blog...

Having three.

I get mad, when seasoned mothers write about how having their first was so much harder than having subsequent children.  I get mad because I believed them.  And then I had my third.  And it wasn’t easier, it was hard.  It was real hard.  It still is hard sometimes, but so much easier than it was.

It could have been because I had three 14 months apart.

It could have been the c-sections.

It could have been the longest winter ever, with the worst weather and the staying inside.

But it was really hard.  Two seconds from the brink of insanity hard, for many, many months. I still smiled, I still did ministry, I was still able to count the blessings and soak in the moments.  But between all that soaking, there was some very real struggle.  When all three were screaming, and I felt completely on edge.  When I cleaned during the 1.5 to 2 hour break I get from the screaming (naptime) just to have my house back in ruins 1.5 to 2 hours later.  Man. That sucked.  Every time I thought I’d write  about how things had settled down and I was getting the hang of it, we’d have a really bad day- and I wouldn't write about getting the hang of it, because I wasn’t. 

In the meantime, other things were happening.  The world sometimes appears to be full of crud.  Terrible things happening all the time, with our government, locally and globally, just kind of a crud story all around.  Man, that stuff makes me cranky.

Anyway, not a lot of people are invited into that part of my life.  The hard part.  My husband is… it couldn’t have been super awesome being my spouse through this last year. 

But around May, things started to turn around.   The middle cried a bit less, the oldest helped a bit more.  The youngest continued to add smiles.  The weather got nice, and we get outside.  Picnic lunches, no jackets, no boots, no hats… things are good. 

I honestly think having children is the coolest thing we’ve ever done. I don’t doubt for a second that having the three so close together was a gift from Jesus.  A perfect little gift.  What I believe we have given our children is immeasurably awesome.  I watched lil’ Aaron this morning, he was crawling on the floor with John Paul and both of them were cracking up. And then, Joey had a dance party with his big brother, shakin’ their booties and jumping around.  Le sigh…it was a really REALLY great morning.  And I have a feeling we will be having more super great mornings/super great afternoons and super great evenings as we move through this life.  I love going out with our little family, everyone asks us if the boys are triplets (are you kidding me?!?!) we always say “no, but 14 months a part”.  And it’s easier to go out.  Aaron and Joey can both independently walk, holding each other’s hands.  It’s really cool. 

Having three is really REALLY cool.  And I get why seasoned moms say it’s easier than having just one, but I’m still mad at them for it.  Perspective has changed, I am more confident as a mother, but it certainly wasn’t easier.  I should probably stop being mad at them though because, each person is different, and I suppose maybe for some moms it really is easier.  Or they didn’t have three so close in age, or they are just really super heroes.  I’m not sure.  I’m really not sure whey moms say it’s easier.  Cooler than having one?  Definitely (for me).  But easier? Nope, I’m not buying it.

Anyway, that’s the state of where we are.  Hopefully it doesn’t sound too cranky…but I wanted it to be honest.  So I guess the point of this post is to say that sometimes things are hard, often times the really good things are the hardest.  Sometimes, the things that take the most amount of energy and bring you right to the edge, are the same things that fill your heart with a joy that is indescribable.   And even though being afraid of the hard is understandable, hating the hard is natural, it's important to also say, 'look, it was tough, but we did it/we are doing it and life is really REALLY good'.

And look- this is what we get for the hard work. 
  #prettycool #wouldntchangeathing #thankGodforsummer


  1. I'm glad things are getting better, Mary. Every child, every mother, every season is different for all of us - sorry you were banking on things getting easier and then felt hung out to dry. That's too bad.

  2. For me 1 was easy, 2 was fun---I lost it at three. I always told everyone that 3 drove me over the edge but oddly for others it was the first one or the second one. So I think for some ppl that 3 isn't a big deal. It was for me though. At 3 I realized I was outnumbered, I only had 2 arms to hold them, 2 legs to run after them 2 eyes to watch them...lol. It was a struggle for me too. But, then I went to 4 and it was OK and even more and its stayed the same--still crazy of course, but not any worse than 3. I was already outnumbered so it made no difference after 3. At some point, they will grow up a little bit and the older ones can actually help a bit and then it gets to a real nice place. 3 kids in the grade school age range is much different than 3 toddlers. So I guess it all depends on the ages of the kids the parents of 3 are talking about. And yes they do look like triplets--or rather twins with a baby brother real close in age. Very cute :)

  3. Mary, there is 2 years between my #2 and #3 and going from 2 to 3 was the WORST for me. It was HARD and it took me about 18 months to feel like I had a handle on 3 kids. You are doing great and I am glad things are getting better!

  4. Yeah, each mom has it different depending on spacing, age when they come, outside factors, temperament of baby...so many things. Having one was the hardest TRANSITION because my whole world got rocked by this person who needed me so. much. It was nothing like I'd ever experienced in my little self-absorbed life. It threw me. And I was pretty much all alone. That probably wasn't as hard for you maybe because you'd been so surrounded by babies and knew what it entailed or because you got married later. So now for me the others feel "easier" because I'm used to this life. It's all I know now. But the actual workload and exhaustion? Yeah, that keeps getting bigger. I'm hesitant to promise anything but as the olders get older, CERTAIN things get easier. It'll never be the easy life, though :)

  5. Mary, sis I know... Let's stop sugar coating motherhood as we aren't impervious to the real feeling that crying and tantrums can do to a pretty sane individual. Always, always love conquers but being honest that it is hard and sympathizing with each other does so much more for friendships between mommies. Just yesterday at Daily Mass one of my friends was struggling with her 4 and 2 year old in the foyer. My heart felt for her...she had absolutely no control over them and she was very tense, so I rubbed her back and just said it will be ok, we will get through this season of life, just look at your 2 boys sitting in the pews and believe these next 2 are almost there. We need to uplift each other by recognizing this is hard. Even if it's just a look like "I fee ya, girl!" Love ya!