Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The good, the bad....

...and the ugly. One of my favorite blogs this morning said something to the effect of, in the blogging world, sometimes we present the good, but not always the real of our day to day lives. I started blogging to have a record of my family for my children primarily. Though now, it has become to much more, including a venting platform, an educational resource and, of course, a record of my family. And if you read this blog, you know I love my family! I am pretty much obsessed with my husband and my son is where my sun rises and sets. But, if you know us, you know, like many married couples, we struggle, sometimes a lot.

 The lack of sleep, crazy busy schedule and sometimes chaos that comes from balancing being a mom and a wife and a youth minister has made things interesting around our house. Both the husband and I are committed to loving each other well, in a faith centered marriage, but we fail at it. A lot. An embarrassing amount of the time actually. Our fierce independence, as we mold into one, along with my pretty intense crazy two years of pregnancy/post pregnancy and pregnancy again hormones... Sometimes makes the Wilkerson household a challenging place to be.

Saturday, we had a rough day. It actually started friday night. Actually, to be honest, it started the Sunday before. Lil Aaron had run a pretty high fever for three days. Which meant sun, mon, and tues, I, at seven months pregnant, got very little sleep. Big A tries to help, but he sleeps heavier than I, and I feel bad waking him up...so the moral of the story is that I was rolling into the weekend pretty spent. We had some miscommunication about chores that needed to be done before having people over our house, which led to a pretty large fight. The type of fight where tempers are lost, horrible words are said, insults are swung and tears fall freely. The fight got out of control and mean, and it was all in front of little Aaron.

The husband and I have fought before, we have gone a day or two in silence, but this was different, maybe because we have a little person that now hears the things we say? Maybe because we haven't been on a 'just the two of us date' in a few months? Maybe because our squabbling is really becoming less and less frequent, so it was surprising how bad it got. For whatever reason, this one was bad. We made up, as we usually do, but even later that night, with our friends over, I could see in my husband's face that he looked tired, and frankly a bit beat up. Saturday was a hard hard day on our marriage. We apologized and snuggled each other and went to bed committing to a better tomorrow.

Sunday morning, the husband let me sleep in. I needed it. We had a crazy busy day, and a still sick baby, but we faced the day as a team, team Wilkerson. Still a bit weary from the day before, we were gentler with each other. Sunday night was lil a's worst sleeping night. H didn't sleep more than a half an hour, without waking up crying from his lingering cold. But this time, the husband and I tag teamed it. At 4:30 am, we laughed about how ridiculous it was. At six thirty, we couldn't believe we freely chose to have another one of these things, and by 8:30 am, with big Aaron on his way out the door, we were both smiling. We had a lunch time squabble, that we quickly resolved, and the evening was great. I went and gave a social media talk and Aaron did all the laundry! Team Wilkerson rocked it out. At about 9:30 pm, the baby woke up crying once again. I cleaned his nose with the awful nose sucker, as the husband held his arms down. The babe was quite upset after, and Aaron rocked him to sleep, as I thought to myself, "my husband is an excellent daddy". I folded the laundry and we went to bed together exchanging I love you, hugs and kisses. Despite the craziness of life, we had a really good two days.

And that, blog world is my experience of marriage. It is work. We get better at it as we learn to mold together, but some days we just really stink at it. But the core of who we are is fused into one, so with lots of love, patience, humility and forgiveness, we move forward. Living the reality of the good, the bad and the ugly. Happy Tuesday!!!


  1. Now that is honest! I love it! That's why I love your blog :) I am excited to share this one with my husband. I think he falls into the same trap I do: we don't realize that other people are just like us.

  2. great post!

    and after 22 years of marriage, we still have these same issues: not talking, talking too much, missing what the other is actually saying.... etc, etc

    marriage IS work - LOVE is work! but so worth it!

    thank you for sharing this wonderful lesson for the rest of us in dealing with our spouse.


    and prayers for a speedy recovery for the little one!
    sleep is most important in above work! Lol

  3. Thanks Mary for posting. As I sit here emotional from one of our fights, it helps to not feel alone : (

    1. There should be a support club for Buckley spouses. We love very passionately, but, unfortunately, we sure do know how to fight passionately as well :( I hate the type of fights that get out of control, but alas, ours are becoming less and less frequent, so there is progress!

    2. I dont know what you all r talking about... Regis and I never fight! Never ever!