To my son, on his 3rd birthday...

Dear Aaron...

Three years old?  You’ve got to be kidding me?  I feel like sometimes, because we had you and your brothers so quick, it flies by, like a blur and in between the blur, there are these moments of so much beauty I can hardly stand it (and let’s not lie, moments of a type of frustration I never knew before).

This year you learned so many things.  Sometimes, I just stare at you in complete awe, because I can’t believe we made you with God, and that you are becoming this little person right before my eyes.  You are a nutball, and a whipper-snapper.  You drive me crazy, drive me to my knees, and allow me to experience a love I have never EVER known.

The newest thing you do about sums up this year.  Occasionally you will crawl up on my lap and say, ‘I love you mama’. I always respond the same… “SSSSStop kid, you are breaking my heart!!!”  Then we both crack up laughing.  The last couple days, if I don’t say, “Stop kid, you are breaking my heart”, you will say, “am I breaking your heart mama?”- yes, lil, munch, you are constantly breaking my heart.  But not in a bad way, you are shattering it with your love and teaching me in the process.

I said you were a whipper-snapper, that wasn’t a joke. This year is the year you learned to swear (that would be my fault), learned you can boss your little brother around (that would be your fault) and learned how to push my buttons like none other.  I hate every time I lose my patience with you, every time we have to go in a time out, every time you drive me so crazy I need to go into a time out.  Sweetheart, you are teaching me how to be a mom, and in the process, you are teaching me who God is.

You see, I hate discipline you.  It’s awful.  I’d rather just let things slide.  Following through with threats is a huge bummer. I’d rather say no ten times and then say “yes” because; if I have to say no one more time I am going to go CRAZY.  But I know it is important. I know consistency is important. I know it is important that you learn your limits, learn to be a good boy, learn to accept disappointment in a healthy way.  So, although it is so tiring, I keep trying to fight those battles with you patiently.  The thing about it teaching me who God is…I wonder if he feels that same way with us sometimes, when He tries to teach, and we try to resist.  It’s difficult, but so good getting to know God better though being your mom.

Lest you think you are all trouble, you are not.  You are a complete joy.  Your imagination is just starting to fully show itself. I listen to you play your cars and construction toys for hours.  Making sounds, making up story lines.  You were able to go to “Monster Jams” with daddy- and I watch you line up anything you can find to make the courses, so your very own monster trucks can ride on them.  You love to do projects and you LOVE to learn.  You have your ABCs down (in terms of saying them) and can count to twenty.  You love to sing songs, but especially, ‘What Does the Fox Say” with daddy.  When you two sing that song, I crack up. It’s so funny, because you always do it as loud as you can.  I love at nighttime, after we say our prayers, and I ask you to sing me a song. I love that you always choose “Twinkle Twinkle” and I adore that you always say, ‘stars’ rather than ‘star’.

The winter was long this year.  Right after having JP, the snow started and the cold started. We basically had to stay inside for four whole months.  But you took it like a trooper.  Lil’ Aaron, you are in LOVE with your brother John Paul.  You can always be heard saying, “he’s TOO CUTE”.  You love to snuggle him, to lay by him and your newest thing is making him laugh.  Oh my goodness how you love to make him laugh.  And he loves you.  His eyes light up when you come in the room.  It is nothing short of adorable.  Joey and you have a very complicated relationship. I’m not gonna lie, you like to boss him around.  But he worships you.  You will see, as you guys grow older.  Anything you do, he wants to do.  He is more adventurous than you, so he challenges you to do some crazy thing.  I am glad you won’t read this till you are older, but I am going to tell you a secret…I like finding you guys getting into mischief.  Even though I always have to correct you and sometimes give you a punishment, I love watching your relationship with your brother grow.  I really do think you two will be the best of friends. I love to think about you growing up together, love to think of you learning life’s lessons as a duo…

But on that growing up thing?  It’s kind of going by a bit quicker than I anticipated.  I want to slow it down and I want to speed it up at the same time. It is a very complicated feeling.  Sometimes, I still hold you in my arms like you are a newborn. I did it last night, you pretended to be asleep (with a crooked smile on your face), and I rocked you.  While your eyes were squeezed close in make believe, I held you extra tight, knowing that the days when you can fit in my arms like that and be rocked are numbered.

Thank you for being my son.  Thank you for giving me the gift of learning and the gift of mothering.  We are so lucky we have a God who is good enough to let us participate in this thing called creation.  We are lucky to have a God who loves us enough to guide us through this thing called life.  I love when you say your prayers lil’ Aaron. I love saying the Guardian angel prayer! I love asking Baby Jesus, Blessed Mother and Saint Joseph to protect us each night.  And I love that you are discovering how much God loves you and that he lives in your heart.  That might be the coolest thing about you this year sweetheart, God is becoming your friend.

I love you big 3 year old.  Thanks for being you!

Mom