The Cry of the Mama Bear...

…or lack thereof.

You know how people talk about being mama-bears?  Although sometimes I feel a  deep sense of defense for my children, more often than not, I am on the opposite side of the spectrum.  Can I tell you a story that has stayed with me so deep in my heart that sometimes it makes tears sting my eyes? 

About a year ago, this awful thing happened.  We were at this place and there was this dude (side-note- I am being purposefully vague, but I am quite certain if you are reading this blog, you weren't at this place and you weren't the dude). And the dude started rough housing with little Aaron.  The dude was an adult.  And the dude was hurting my son, I could tell.  But for some reason, I didn't speak up. I didn't speak up when lil’ A looked at me, and I saw pain in his eyes. I didn't speak up even though my stomach was hurting and my palms were beginning to sweat.  The whole thing probably lasted around 3 minutes, and then someone else said, ‘it doesn’t look like he is having fun, it looks like you are hurting him’.  And, praise God, the man stopped. 

But I didn't’t stop him.

I didn't stop him because I was afraid to embarrass this adult. I was afraid to be ‘that mom’ who jumps to fast and defends too quickly. I didn't stop him because I am a new mom and kind of insecure .I didn't stop him. 

And it still bothers me that I didn't.

You see, I don’t think I am a ‘people pleaser’ by any means.  But, I do try to my hardest to make people feel comfortable.  And I do fight against some of the coddling trends I see in current parenting.  And sometimes, I do it to the detriment of my kids.  Sometimes I yell at them first in a crowd of kids, just so we are not ‘those people’ who let their kids get away with anything. 

Sometimes, I am quick to make a sarcastic comment about them in response to a compliment.  Sometimes, I forget that my job, second only to getting my children to heaven, is to protect them.

And, I am trying to get better at it. I really am. I am trying to remember and find courage to speak up against people when they are making my kids uncomfortable or going against my wishes. I am trying to not put us in positions that aren't good for our family, for the sake of not hurting other’s feelings.  But damn. It’s hard.

I know it’s not a "Talk to me Tuesday", but I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.  However, right now, thoughts or not, I am writing it out. I am writing it out because it is 10:04 pm at night, the day before Christmas Eve and I was just getting ready for bed.  As I was,  I thought about the look in my son’s eyes when that man was hurting him.  And the tears stung once again. I thought to myself, ‘you need to be a bit more of a mama bear’. 

Hopefully, for the sake of my children…I will.